I almost feel bad...

I haven't told everyone everything there is to know about me. Luckily, one of my friends who apparently knows NOTHING about me and thinks I have NOTHING but time sent me this handy, dandy questionnaire. Seriously, if you don't already know these things about me, I plan to block you from my email as spam. You know who you are. (No, not you...HER) How many times do you plan to ask me what color my eyes are???

Regardless, I'm providing my responses one more time for those in the cheap seats...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. The person who was born right before me. See, I’m almost sure we’ve done this before.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The moment I saw this email come across my screen.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING. Yes, because it’s a secret code nobody else can decipher. Part of my plan for world domination.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I don’t have time to meet for lunch. Unless you’re buying.

5 . DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I admit nothing, deny everything and demand strict proof.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSONWOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Uh, no, I’m a huge bitch.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. Now I hope you are able to make an educated decision about maintaining our friendship.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes. If a serial killer were running toward me. With a chainsaw. In the dark. And it was hailing. Cats.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL CALLED? Ted Bundy.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES? Uh, no. how would they stay on my feet? That's a stupid question.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes. Unless a serial killer is running toward me. With a chainsaw. In the dark. And it is hailing. Cats.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Whatever I can reach first.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? This person is not Matthew McCaughnehey.

15. RED OR PINK? Call it whatever you want to call it as long as it comes out medium-rare.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My inability to open up to you.

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My ex-husband. But my aim is improving.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Yes. I need to know what color every one of my friends would be so I can see if combined, we make a complete package.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? No.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? My words.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Voices in my head...

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? White...pure and innocent, like the driven snow...

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Happy hour.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? I haven’t been able to take any calls due to the pressing urgency of getting this information disseminated.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? No. How could I like someone who wants to be a gray crayon???

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Men’s beach volleyball—this has not changed, nor do I expect it to.

27. HAIR COLOR? If you don’t know this about me, I don’t want to be your friend any longer.

28. EYE COLOR? See #27

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, I have them all in my Blackberry.

30 FAVORITE FOOD? Chicken fajita enchiladas, little caesars pizza, Pearl’s crab dip, spinozi’s entire menu, charleston’s filet, melting pot’s chicken (but only after I cook it), shrimp cocktail, All American Pizza, chips and queso, chips and salsa, Guacamole Live, beer (yes, it is), vegas bombs (yes, they are), garlic mashed potatoes, Texas roadhouse ranch dressing, my chili, my gumbo, anything pearl’s serves come to think of it, strawberries, peaches, grapes, Caesar salad, 100 calorie pack hostess chocolate cupcakes, clam chowder, potato and shrimp soup, Paula Deen’s seafood dip, Pizza Hut’s pizza, the entire breakfast buffet at Hometown Buffet, chili dogs, chili cheese fries and OMIGOSH, have you ever had the breakfast burrito at taco bueno???? (Not you Tina, sit down.) Mexican pizza with sour cream, steak soft tacos, chili cheese burritos, chik filet sandwiches, chick filet waffle fries dipped in mayonnaise, olive garden’s salad, hideaway fried mushrooms, cheese enchiladas, Interurban’s chicken fajita nachos, Buffalo Wild Wings with Wild sauce on them, big macs (I know Kelli, hold the onions), Egg McMuffin with folded egg, BJ Brewhouse’s Pizookie (white chocolate & macadamia nut), BJ brewhouse’s wings, and their Caesar salad is the best ever (yes it is), BJ Brewhouse’s pizza, omigosh it is so good, AMC theatres nachos (you’re welcome, Tina), and, last but not least, body shots off Matthew McCaughnehey. In that order.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Can’t think about this—still thinking about the McCaughnehey thing...

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT MOVIE THEATER? I have no idea. Did I mention the nachos???

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White. Or black. I can’t tell, still thinking about the McCaughnehey thing...

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? The calendar says it’s still summer. You’re welcome.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Again, body shots off Matth....you get the picture.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Again, body shots off Matth....you get the picture.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The person who is planning to get the least amount of work done today

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? My friend who is actually working

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? 1001 Ways to Get Matthew McCaughnehey to Notice You’re Alive

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Is this a trick question?

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V.? The infomercial for 1001 Ways to Get Matthew McCaughnehey to Notice You’re Alive

42. FAVORITE SOUND? Happy hour.

43. ROLLING STONES OR TOBY KEITH? Seriously??? These geriatric goofy looking jackasses are my only options???

44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM WHERE YOU ARE NOW? I experienced a brief moment of sanity on December 17, 2004.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? I was hatched from a pod on the planet Zermiacot. Yes I was.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Matthew McCaughnehey’s...I used method # 768 from #39 above. I hope this doesn’t get me thrown in jail...